When
the idea idea of helping to lead next year's FYM trip to Nicaragua with AIM first was planted in my mind, I kind
of ignored it because I didn't want to return. My initial reaction to Granada was one of disgust (it's too dirty, the people are loud, the food is weird, and I hate living with so many people). But God has so
changed my heart toward Nicaragua! The entire semester I could feel
Him putting more and more of a pressure on me, in a sense, saying "This is what I want for you, and I am giving you the
desire for this, too." Yet I still held back a bit out of fear
and my selfish (stupid) desire to be in control. The last week in
Nica was spent on the island of Ometepe, with lots of quiet free time
to chill with God. There, God just loved me into giving up the last
of my reservations about returning, and since then I have had so much
peace about it! I came home and had to end my relationship with my
boyfriend of 7 months, which was the toughest thing I've ever had to do, but even in that there was
peace. I've talked with my parents and close friends and they see
something in me that they agree is pointing toward missions. I still
have times when I think "what on earth am I doing? I'm not good
enough" but now I recognize that as a LIE and a spiritual attack and I can
stick it in the garbage where it belongs! Every time I run and express
my fears or doubts to God and ask for a new sense of that peace again,
it's there. I can't make that up.

     So now I wait. The application has been sent in, and God is going to take care of whatever happens next. But this isn't a nervous, anxious type of waiting. There is peace and joy knowing that I followed where God led. Oh, there is so much joy! I am delighting in God, and He is giving me the desires of my heart.

     I know it is not selfish to ask for your prayers concerning this. I have no clue what to expect as I pursue this opportunity, and I know that if I am accepted by AIM, the trip will be a challenge and a huge responsibility. Yet I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength. More than returning to Nicaragua, more than leading a trip with AIM, more than anything, I want God's will to be done! I will do my best to keep you updated on the whole process as it happens.

 

"To follow the vocation does not mean happiness, but
once it has been heard, there is no happiness for those who do not
follow."  -- C. S. Lewis, Preface to Paradise Lost